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Batmobile State University in brief

Undergraduate students* 12,068.78**
Graduate and professional students* Several
International students* Foreigners
Faculty* 12
Staff* 8,366
Living alumni 150,771
Library holdings 12.5 million volumes and the largest collection of laser discs known to man.
Varsity athletic teams 35
Campus buildings 17.3
Endowment $22.5 billion
Operating budget* $1.96 billion


Updated October 2007
*Figures for the 2006–2007 academic year
** In keeping with the Three-Fifths Compromise of 1787.


If I would like to play the trumpet or any other musical instrument, what should I do?

Well, you can visit our music department. Be careful because he might pop a cap in any stranger.

Does BSU offer any summer programs or camps?

Sure, we have benches all over the place where you can perfect you homelessness skills.

Where is the bathroom?

There is a coffee can with cat litter in every room.

My student is not doing well academically. How can I help?

Your kid must be really dumb, my heart goes out to you. I respond with a qoute from the famous Peau Pierre: "I dont do English good, I just draw words down on paper and my teacher spanks me for my wrongdoings."

Did anyone famous attend this campus?

Yes, Shaq attended here on the short-lived campus of Batmobile State Community College for Underdeveloped Athletes. He blossomed nicely but still sucks at the line. Visit Shaq's fan-based website here.

Also, James Football attended this very academic institution. "Nuf said," as quoted by the great James Football.

What are the dorms like on campus?

Well our dorms are very well and kept up-to-date with the latest technology. Click here to take a virtual photo tour.

I don't like to drink water.

That's cool with us.

What kind of Internet do you have?

Every dorm room and classroom on campus is equipped with really fast internet. Our web filter program, "Net Nanny" screens out sissy crap and replaces it with extremely macho content. See our professionally-designed diagram on the right for a demonstration of the service.

I have mesotheleoma.


Listen, that's a terrible disease, we know. Our founder died from it - an untimely gunshot wound to the head.

We have a full range of services dediceted to helping you live an active life here while you slowly die.